There is a man who became someone in order to fight against evil and corruption. This man made decisions and revolutionized a city. He had several major victories and a couple major losses. Those losses, however, permeated him; they sunk deep within his bones and ruined him. Those losses killed the symbol he had become to the people. The person I am referring to is Batman (If you’ve seen The Dark Knight Rises you know all too well what I am about to say. If not, please watch this clip from the Bane and Batman Fight Scene before reading further).
In the first Bane and Batman fight scene, Bane sees the weakness in Batman and says, “Peace has cost you your strength. Victory has defeated you.” This phrase has spoken to me deeply and I want to share some things that may offer encouragement to others struggling with the same thing.
We all have our victories. Some of our victories are huge while other small victories keep us going day to day. We have also had our losses and failures. Undoubtedly, these failures speak louder than our victories. The truth of the matter is someone can lead thousands of people to the Lord, have a solid ministry, and do everything that the Lord commands, but one single mess up can ruin an entire ministry. I would claim this is why Yahweh (For those who don’t know, this is a more accurate name for the Judeo-Christian God) calls us to be holy. Ultimately we are to strive for holiness because He is holy (Lev. 11:44-45; 1 Pet. 1:16). But can our striving to be holy and our day to day struggles, burdens and battles wear us out? Of course!
In the case of Batman, life’s decisions burned him out. As in the Dark Knight Rises, when Bruce Wayne thought the Batman had no limits, Alfred reminded him that as a person, he did. Christopher Nolan did a great job of showing how even Batman was not immune to hurts, wounds, and even the possibility of death. Our decisions define who we are and who we become and those decisions may burn us out, hurt us, and cost us our lives. As for me, I am tired. I am burned out. And I feel that my decisions have cost me something great because of my lack of obedience.
I was sharing with my brother Matt last night about a struggle I face. I told him that with everything I deal with and everything I do on a daily basis, the last thing I want to do is fight this struggle. This struggle has been affecting me for years, and I am tired of fighting against it. This struggle has given me hurts, wounds, and has killed me spiritually. Paul discusses something similar in 2 Corinthians about a thorn in his flesh to keep him from boasting about himself. Indeed, I find no reason to boast about myself, but only what the Lord has done through me.
My senior year of High School I had a major victory in my life. I overcame a lot of things, led people to the Lord, and I was doing incredible things for the Lord. But that all peaked on one bad Saturday night. This night would change me…forever (pun intended). My major victory had now turned into a major defeat. From then I got comfortable and wasn’t the radical Christ-follower I was. Victory had defeated me. Since then, it seems as if I haven’t been able to climb back up. If I was on stair 10 back then, I have only been able to climb back up to 7. The reason? I have become so overcome with failure and defeat that I expect it daily. Instead of waking up knowing God has a purpose for me, I usually wake up already feeling defeated.
I had a dream the summer before I went to college, and this woman said, “You are going to die in (I forgot exactly how many) days.” When I woke up, I found out it was the amount of days until I went to college. I thought it was weird then, but now I know that it was prophetic. I died spiritually when I went to college and now I’m suffering the consequences. And I’ll be honest with you, I don’t know of any way to overcome other than waking up each morning with a hunger and passion for what the Lord. I have tried everything else in the book, and unless I develop a craving for the Lord, I will continue stumbling in this stagnate world of darkness.
In January, I am going to begin something new that will challenge me with a couple of friends. This experiment (for lack of better terms) will be a ministry to strip off those things that are hindering me (Hebrew 12: 1-2). I will begin retraining my spiritual (and hopefully physical) self in order to be the best son, brother, friend, cousin, nephew, and pastor I can be. It is time to fight again. Paul constantly uses militaristic speech because we are fighting a war, and if our spiritual armor (Eph. 6) is not on, we will crumble and fall to defeat daily. What does it mean to be refined by the fire? It means to give it all up to the Lord and trust the Lord with everything. I can honestly tell you, I haven’t trusted the Lord with everything.
Therefore, I proclaim 2013 as a year of freedom from demonic oppression and sin, a year of reuniting with my first Love, and a year of dedication to the Lord; no matter what the costs. As my friend Brian Herr has said, “Faith that doesn’t cost you anything isn’t faith, it’s just a hobby.” What are you willing to sacrifice? How are you willing to step out of your comfort zone? Are you all in, or will continue being defeated? Because as for me, I’m tired of feeling defeated. I am ready for victory!
*Notice I have not used Satan in this blog. Yes Satan is running around destroying lives, and he has done enough damage to mine. And I must wage war against him daily, but my faults and defeats haven’t come because of him. I have made my own choices and now I have to suffer the consequences. I refuse to blame Satan for my problems when I know I already have victory over him through Christ.
